Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again! What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man – I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That stupid snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the restroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 6″ today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at about 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that stupid snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THAT WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

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Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th! As you celebrate with your friends and family, please take a moment to reflect on how fortunate we are to call this great country our home.

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Orlando Tragedy

My heart goes out to all those affected by this terrible tragedy in Orlando. There are no words. Sending love and prayers.

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R.I.P. PRINCE

Here in Minnesota, we are mourning the loss of one of our own.  Our PRINCE will be dearly missed!

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life." - PRINCE

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.”
– PRINCE

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R.I.P. Glenn Frey

R.I.P. Glenn Frey.  Thanks for sharing your gift of music with us through the years. You will be missed!

Fun song fact:  Jackson Browne couldn’t think of a way to finish ‘Take It Easy’, and passed it on to the Eagles’ Glenn Frey to finish.

RIP Glenn Frey

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R.I.P. Natalie Cole

Natalie Cole was not only a very talented woman, she was a courageous woman.  In spite of the difficulties she faced in her life, she never gave up.  It takes a tremendous amount of courage to get back up and continue to fight after life has knocked you down more than a few times.  Natalie’s memory will continue to live on through her music, and her courage will be an inspiration to many.

R.I.P.

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Chapter 2016

This book keeps getting better and better!

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Happy New Year!

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

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You’re Never Too Old for a Snowball Fight!

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Before We Greet a New Year

4fc68e85-bd23-41fe-bc77-f8faa26fd885I hope you find some time this week to get really, really quiet.  To curl up in a big, cozy chair and watch a movie you’ve seen a million times before.  To hug the people you love.  To wrap up in a warm blanket and read a good book.  To drink hot cocoa from a Christmas mug.  To stand outside in the crisp night air and marvel at the stars.  To give someone a gift that makes them smile, or even cry (in the good way).  I hope you find some time this week to sit silently in front of your life and contemplate how magical it really is, before we turn the page and greet a new year.

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